Hi sweetie,

Hi sweetie,

My therapist finally came back from moving/vacation so I had my first appointment since the end of September. I told her how I keep thinking of you, but each time my mind goes back to you laying on the beach after I pulled you from the ocean. I try and stop it, but the picture doesn’t go away. I try and change the direction of my mind, it goes right back. She said we will talk about it more next session, but I need to just sit in the picture of you in my head. I need to just sit there and face it every time, let my mind sit in the thoughts. Personally, that sounds like a horrible idea. I don’t want to do that. Isn’t just facing the fact that you’re gone every day enough punishment? That’s trauma though.

I still have to go back to the beach and relive every detail and write down what I remember. That’s what the one therapist had said. However, that also still sounds like a horrible idea so I haven’t gotten around to it.

I don’t know why I’m so tired. It’s like everything from the past however many months is just catching up all at once and my body has just had enough.

I’m sorry I’m so tired, my baby. I do love you more than anything. Goodnight and sweet dreams.