Hi sweetie,

Every single day it seems like my plans I have are changing. One day I think I’ve got it all figured out and that I’ve got the perfect plan and then the next day I am questioning my entire life. Last week I was super confident in my decisions, tonight I’m looking at a possible new future. My main concern is doing what is right for your siblings. You guys are my life and my job. I chose to have you, it’s my job to make sure you’re taken care of. After losing you, I really want to make sure your siblings are okay before I make any sudden changes, but it’s getting extremely difficult.

I’m looking at my resources and if needed, I guess I will have to start my own in a new place. I promise that you guys are and will always be my number one priority.

I did my therapy today in your room. She asked me how it felt to be in there. I started crying and told her about all this sad stuff. Then I just started laughing and told her about your junk drawer, water filled latex glove, and your soap business. It was nice to go back through those memories in your room.

Ellie is getting tired of having to walk Lucas to where the second grade meets at school. I remember when you were super nervous the first few days about forgetting where to meet too. She rolled her eyes at me, complained, and then walked him over. In all honesty, I’m pretty sure you would be more than happy to walk him over. You were the protector. Lucas had to wear one of your old pairs of shoes (you couldn’t have worn them long because they’re in perfect condition) for gym today. He smiled and got excited when I told him they were yours. Elijah also was happy he had to take your Sonic water bottle to school because he left his yesterday at Kids Hurt Too.

Lucas told me he had a dream about you last night. He was smiling as he told me about his dream and said it was the best dream he ever had. Apparently you were at our house and had your squirt gun. Lucas snuck up on you, but you saw him and squirted him. He then squirted you back with his squirt gun.

I love you so much, my baby. Please continue to watch over us. I will eventually figure everything out and do what’s best for everyone, I promise. Love you sweetie. Goodnight and sweet dreams.