Isaiah,

Today was a day. Honestly though, when has it not been “a day” since I lost you. Lucas went to school today. It’s his first full-day of school, ever. I couldn’t sleep last night. I just kept worrying how his day would go and if I was making a mistake sending him back. When we got to the school, it was just like deja vu of my life just six months ago. We went to the office and Lucas got his pipe cleaner lei like you and Ellie got in February. When it was time, I walked him to his classroom. Lucas is in room E3, so right next to the room that I just walked you to for your first day six months prior. Here I am, dropping off my son who is a few days shy of two years younger than you, in the same grade that you just finished. I remember how scared you were of Mrs. Holmes, yet she was amazing. There was a whole mix of emotions with being worried for Lucas, guilty for not homeschooling this year, crying from picturing myself dropping you off to that same area not that long ago, and just lost because I feel the need to reevaluate every life decision I make.

Lucas had a great day. His teacher was nice, the kids were nice, I picked him up and he had a big smile on his face. We couldn’t find the pencil box we bought for him, so I went into the art closet and grabbed one that we had in there. It was your black one with the Minecraft stickers on it. I think you used it in kindergarten? I asked Lucas if he wanted to use yours and he got so excited. So he has a little piece of you each day at school. While walking to his classroom, one of your teachers from last year stopped to say “hi”. I remembered her from your celebration of life. She was always in your classroom last year and she had only great things to say about you. Not only did she want to say “hi”, but she also wanted to tell me she would be with Lucas this year and he’s in good hands. It’s these little things that make me feel like we are closer to you. Although it’s only been one day, I hope this is the start to a great year for Lucas.

I don’t know how much longer I can deal with all the stuff that’s come along with losing you. I wish I could just close my eyes, wish you back to Earth, and then you’re back with us. I love you so much my baby. Goodnight.