My Isaiah Joseph,

Hi baby. We had lentil soup tonight, which means you would have sat there and eaten all the meat out of the pot. Tomorrow I think I’m going to make zuppa toscana. That would be two days of meals that you actually liked.

I was outside today looking and calling for my chickens. While outside, Jackson, Sam, and his mom walked past. I’ve talked to Sam a few times since we lost you, but today he yelled over to me, “Hi, Isaiah’s mom!”. Hearing that made me smile. He knows your siblings’ names, but still said “Isaiah”, which means he thought of you. Even though you are gone, I’m still your mom.

Elijah is currently serenading me with Last Christmas by Wham. It’s amazing that if you looked down at us at different points, sometimes we would seem exactly like it was when you were here. The boys are both still prolonging bedtime. We are still listening to Christmas music in the boys’ room (at least now it’s seasonally acceptable). Elijah just handed me your BB9 to snuggle with, though. The boys also spent hours complaining about having to clean their bedroom today.

I just listened to the voicemail I have on my phone from you. I try not to watch many videos still because just hearing your voice breaks my heart. I need something from you. I love you so much, my baby. I’m sorry, it’s just too much sometimes. Goodnight and sweet dreams.