Hi handsome,

I started Christmas shopping today. As you can tell, I’m really on top of things. I held it together at first, but that’s probably because those stores were mostly to look for things for Ellie. I got upset at Target, while I was in the Lego aisle. I found a Lego Minecraft crafting table. You would have absolutely loved it. I called daddy crying and he said just to get it and we would build it as a family on Christmas. I called Gma crying after to just say I’m buying Christmas gifts for my son who is no longer here. Getting that Lego set for you felt right, though. You are part of this family and will continue to be included.

You got so excited last year when you got the Super Mario mystery cube. You were adorable. I still don’t know how that thing opens up. We couldn’t figure it out when we brought it to your Celebration of Life, but luckily one of the other kids there figured it out.

Ellie painted a “preppy” skateboard for you today at the arts and crafts center. I still don’t understand what preppy means today. Ellie painted it pink, the wheels are different colors, and then she wrote your name on the top in red. Ellie claims that “preppy” is pink and colorful. It’s times like these that I feel old. I have to sit there and debate with Ellie the version of preppy we had. All I needed to do was layer my polo shirt with another polo. I never popped the collar, that wasn’t my thing. I’m pretty sure you popped your collar once or twice before, though.

Christmas is quickly approaching and I’m not feeling the spirit. I’m also not looking forward to New Year’s. The year changing to 2025 means we will have gotten to the first year you weren’t alive to see. It’s too much to comprehend.

I’m sorry, baby. I just can’t do this any longer tonight. I feel my emotions starting to spiral and I don’t want to continue to force myself to go deeper into that. I love you more than anything. Goodnight and sweet dreams, my baby.