My baby boy,

My baby boy,

Hi, honey. I miss you. We are currently in the cabin at the retreat. We have a huge window in our room that looks right out to the ocean. I get to go to sleep tonight listening to the waves. However, I have to share my bed with Lucas. I feel like his thousands of stuffed animals have attributed to how he sleeps. When he’s in bed with me, he gets as close as he possibly can and needs to be constantly touching me. Ellie and Elijah are on twin beds in the other room. Ellie’s anxiety is coming out a little bit, but hopefully it settles down. The boys think it’s just the greatest thing in the world.

When we got here, we created leis for the memorial table. We had to weave different flowers onto the ti leaves. Ours turned out beautiful and they’ll just be another keepsake to tie us to you and this island. We put them on and in front of the picture we brought of you. I chose the one we have framed with your soccer picture in it. You’re just so handsome.

The parents all sat down around the memorial table and would show the picture of their child and talk about them on their turn. I was last, so I had plenty of time to prepare. However, I have a lot of trouble just talking about you. It’s like I want to make sure they know EVERYTHING about you and have a short time to do it. Then my mind just blanks out as I’m saying one thing and I have no idea what I’m saying. I just worry so much about doing you justice and want everyone to know how amazing, kind, sensitive, intelligent, silly, empathetic, and funny you were. I’m never satisfied when my turn is over. I felt like I left so much out. I just can’t say a few things about you, I need to say all the things. I hope you’d be proud of my synopsis of you. I talked about you being a Lego master, wanting to clear the great pacific garbage patch, how helpful you were to the girl on the bike and always standing up for everyone. I even made sure I told them about the Lego challenge where we had to build a house and I couldn’t think past the four walls and a door. Yet you made an entire treehouse with vines and stuff everywhere.

Earlier today, Ellie did something that I haven’t seen anyone do since you were here with us. Remember when someone else that wasn’t you would get in trouble and you’d sit there and point and do an obnoxious laugh at them or just move your mouth silently as if you were laughing? Ellie did it today to Elijah and I got so excited. I had completely forgotten about that and that was one hundred percent an “Isaiah thing”.

I’ve attached a few pictures so you can see what we are up to. I don’t know if you heard me before I left our house, but you can come check out what we are doing here. I love and miss you more than anything, my baby. Please keep watch over us. Goodnight and sweet dreams.