My baby boy,
Hi sweetie. They built a new Keiki Kingdom over in Pearlridge. We went there today and you would have loved it. There was this little obstacle course thing that made me think of something from the Super Mario movie that I’m pretty sure you would have done. I played “monster” with your siblings and found a good place to use as my headquarters, just like the little animal room that I would sit in at the other Keiki Kingdom. I was able to sit up in my spot and watch for your siblings around most of the setup. I got them right at the top of the stairs the one time. At some point, I ran up and grabbed Elijah, but I had to put him down. He was screaming so loud that I was worried people were going to think I was trying to take a child that wasn’t mine. So he got away. I also went down the stainless steel slide, attempted to stop at the bottom, and did a somersault onto my back. In typical fashion when I do embarrassing things, I just laid there for a little and laughed at myself. Considering most of the adults sit on the benches and watch their kids, I know a large crowd of people saw me.
They had one of those carousel things with the little blocks that hang down. It was just like that one at the original place where you’d put all your weight into that thing and it would swing like crazy. The last time we were there, there was a smaller child on there with you and they were hanging on for dear life. We had to tell you to “chill out” if there were other kids on it. It wasn’t a big deal, nobody fell off, nothing happened, but you were really upset that you did it. I want to just hug you right now thinking about it.
I wasn’t planning on bringing our dining room table to the new house. I’ve redone the thing three times and it’s definitely seen better days. Plus, on the move here they broke it in like three different places. However, I realized today that if I get rid of that table then your spot is gone. Your seat you always sat in and your place at the table disappears. It’s like losing another little part of you. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. If I get a new table, I can easily give you a new “seat”, but I randomly sit in your spot now and just think of you. I can’t hang on to that table for the rest of my life. It wouldn’t even last that long.
I bought a Lego Christmas tree for next year. All of a sudden, it’s important to me to have all these random Lego decorations. It’s something we can build together and think of you. We have the Lego flowers next to some of your things on the ladder shelf, but I’m leaving those with daddy since someone from his work made them.
I’ve been feeling like I’m forgetting your voice. I know I’m not, but I’m starting to have random thoughts in my head that the sound is slipping away. I love looking at pictures of you, but the videos are still too difficult. I actually took a break after I wrote that to watch a few videos of you. Lucas took my phone at the beginning of April when I was playing you in basketball and recorded a few minutes of it. You tried your backwards shot a few times and talked a lot of smack. “So far, but so far”. I’ve said it a hundred times, but I am now so thankful that you guys always took my phone and took random pictures and videos.
I’m sad now and missing you. I should probably make more of a habit to watch the videos more often, but watching you makes things more real. When I look at a picture, I can just go into my mind and recall memories that I had from that day. In the videos, the moments are right in front of me and it’s more painful.
I miss you so much, baby. I still don’t like to believe that you being gone is my life, but it is. I love you more than anything, sweetie. Goodnight and sweet dreams.