My baby,

My baby,

The marathon is sixty-two days away and my only goal is to complete it. I get to run along the ocean in Hawaii. What more could one ask for when running 26.2 miles?

I have absolutely no strategy when I run. I never have. The closest to a “strategy” I had was in college. In the 400m I went out quick and held on. In the 400m hurdles, I needed to hit the first hurdle with the correct leg, fifteen steps into the turn, then seventeen steps, and finish by not stuttering/essentially coming to a stop because I’m hitting it with the opposite leg. In the 800m, it was stay as close to Holly as possible because she had went to nationals. My distance running has never had a strategy though. Distance runs give you too much time to think about things. When I ran cross country in college, we obviously couldn’t race with headphones. So I spent each 5-6k race plotting how I could trip over a root, fall, and become unconscious to not need to finish. At the one course, I wanted to just turn into the corn fields and get lost. I always finished, but spent the entire run figuring out how I could get out of it. I remember at the one race, I hit 1,000 meters to go. Coach Caulfield yelled at me that this was my time because I was a sprinter, I needed to pick up the pace and go. I frankly thought he was insane considering I pretty much ran the 400m as my longest races and this man was telling me to sprint with 1,000 meters left. That’s ridiculous.

My strategy on running now is to literally think about the fact that I’m running as little as possible. I do not want to think about being tired or how much more I have to run. While running, I have very specific guidelines for the music I listen to, they need to keep my mind on something other than running. I’ve been working on my marathon playlist to listen to during the race and it’s all over the place. In order for me to run to it, it has to fit into one of three categories:

1. The song reminds me of a period of time in my life. These include songs that defined certain things and what I was doing. Some songs that fit into this category are - [ ] Salt Shaker by the Ying Yang twins (this brings me back to high school with the Griswolds.)Baby by Justin Bieber (for whatever reason I ran an entire workout of repeat 200s with a weight vest on while listening to this song.)Taylor Swift’s Lover, Folklore, and Evermore albums (they remind me of running on Troop Trail during the pandemic.)I Like It by Cardi B (I listened to this while I was running with all three of you in the double stroller on Troop Trail. We ran past Soldiers in training and their drill Sargent went off on them how a woman with three kids in a double stroller was running past them. I was pretty sure most of them were just judging my parenting and how I had that song on with you guys.)More Love by Smokey Robinson (I made a whole playlist to listen to while I was in labor with Elijah to keep my mind occupied. However, I only listened to that song on repeat the whole time.)Soy Yo by Bomba Estereo brings me right back to walking past your room at night in Virginia. You listened to that song on repeat while you slept for months. I can fully picture you sleeping in your bed, seeing your Christmas tree lit with red and green lights by your closet, and honestly smell that house.My Hero by the Foo Fighters (although you loved that song when you were still here with us, the only thing that replays in my head when I hear it was your honor walk in the hospital. That was the last time I ever got to see you.)

2. The song reminds me of a certain person and I go back to those specific memories. Some of them are so random and I don’t know why they always trigger exact memories of that person, but they do.- [ ] Crazy by Gnarls Barkley and PYT by Michael Jackson take me back to Tracey and our days working at Auntie Anne’s.Breathe (2am) by Anna Nalick reminds me of Jon from college track. He loved that song and always attempted to hit the high notes.

3. [ ] Gangsta Paradise by Coolio, Wonderwall by Oasis, Dark Horse by Katy Perry, and Heartbeat Song by Kelly Clarkson all remind me of Ellie. When she was younger, we listened to these songs on repeat over and over and over because she was obsessed.The Stinky and Dirty theme song brings me to you sitting and watching that show on repeat.
4. The final rule that a song has to fit into is that I get so caught up with singing it in my head that it takes over or the beat goes with my cadence and I focus on that. Songs like this include Return of the Mack by Mark Morrison, Fantasy by Mariah Carey, Industry Baby by Lil Nas X, and Power by Kanye.
   I wonder if you had a song that automatically reminded you of me. I wish I could still ask you that. I asked Lucas, but I don’t think he understood what I was asking. I asked Ellie and she said that any Taylor Swift song makes her think of me. I was trying to think about the songs I would listen to as you guys would watch me have a solo dance party in the kitchen, but I changed it up too much. I do hope there’s at least one that made you think of me and smile.

I’m going to continue to build my playlist, so if there’s anything you think I need to add let me know. I may or may not put a random Minecraft song on there because it makes me think of you, Lucas, and Elijah. While I was writing this, Oo-Dee-Lally just came on by Roger Miller. I cannot stand that song and have never actually watched Robin Hood, but I know you loved that song. Maybe that was your automatic sign to me. I will add it, just for you.

Please keep watching over us, baby. I miss you so much and you being with us seems like a lifetime ago. I love you so much, my sweet boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.