Sweetie pie,
Sweetie pie,
There was a trunk or treat at Daniel K today. Your one friend from school was there. I feel bad because I always forget his name. His mom is a teacher though and he came to your Celebration of Life. Anyway, I felt a few taps on my arm, turned around, and there he was. The fact that he seeks me out to make sure he says “hi” is comforting. You were just such an amazing kid that your friend feels the need to talk to me every time he happens to see me.
It was a rough day, I spent a nice chunk of it crying. It was a mad at the world/missing you like crazy mood. It all started when I was looking at one of your shirts from when you were younger. It was an 18 month size, which means you started wearing it around nine months. It was a white baseball shirt and I always had you wear it with your red, white, and blue plaid shorts. I easily found a picture of you wearing it since I thought you looked adorable in it.
I’m sorry I’m so mad. I don’t know how to not be angry at this. I’m thankful for what we have here on this island. I don’t think you ever really met Ellie’s friend, Sophia. I thought it was crazy because they moved here a few months before us, live right across from the park, but Ellie didn’t meet her and everything till the end of April? The first time I ever met Sophia’s mom was after we lost you. I just unloaded on this woman I had never met. We are going to a Halloween party at their house tomorrow. Miss Brenda pretty much treats everyone like they are her own kids.
They say it takes a village, but I didn’t have that “village” until after Lucas was born. In Tennessee, it was pretty just me, you, and Ellie when daddy was away training or at courses. It was just the three of us, taking on Tennessee and trying to figure things out. Daddy was away for a few months on your second Easter. You guys woke up, found your baskets, painted your craft, and then we went to the park at the one school on post. We referred to it as the “rocket ship park”.
I will never understand why this had to happen, but I guess that’s what life is. I just wish that I could go back in time for even just a day and make sure I took it all in. However, in the grand scheme of things I think I took a lot in during your shorter life.
I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.