Baby boy,

I just read my post from last year and shared the part with Lucas and Elijah that they had told me. They laughed about it last year when they told me and when I brought it up again tonight, Lucas started laughing again. He said you spawned the Wither in Minecraft, Elijah was in the water, and you just watched him destroy the world.

You were also in my dream last year and blew me a kiss from the other side of the window. I’d give anything to have that dream again. I feel like it’s been so long. I’m thankful I have these letters to you to give me these bright spots.

I had therapy today and my therapist told me I need to start trusting myself more and stop asking you for signs. It’s nothing against you, but she said that I need to learn that I do know what’s best for me and to trust that. How she explained the whole situation that I am afraid of made complete sense. I laughed and told her that even when I do get “signs” I still question them so really it’s useless anyway. I guess from now on, I will just ask you for signs that you’re around. I won’t ask you to help me make drastic decisions in my life.

We went to Bingo tonight at the boys’ school. It was fun and I enjoyed getting to go to a school event like that. None of our past schools had ever had a bingo night. It reminded me of the bingo we used to have at my elementary school when I was a kid. Ellie was the only winner from our family. It was also a “book swap” bingo and you had to bring a book to donate and then everyone got to pick a new book out of all the ones donated. Lucas got a Mario one and Ellie ended up with a Pinkalicious one. Elijah had come back to the table with nothing. When I asked him why he didn’t have a book, he went off on a small rant about how there were no books up there that interested him. I asked him if he wanted me to go back up with him, but he had his mind made up that he just wasn’t getting a book. However, as we were leaving, I walked back over to the table with Elijah and he miraculously found a book he wanted. I’m not sure if they had added more to the table, or if he was just being dramatic before.

I miss you more than anything in the world, my baby boy. I love you more than anything, sweetie. Goodnight and sweet dreams.