Baby boy,

I’m sixteen chapters into the book now. Today I learned there’s a whole non-profit called the Forever Family Foundation. In it, it says they go through and “certify” mediums so people can make better decisions finding someone.

I looked into it, I’m honestly desperate. Life decision wise, I don’t think it’s the right time. The government just shut down, I am still without a job, the holidays are coming up, and I have too much riding on the outcome.

Isaiah, I NEED to know that you know how much I love you. Everyone tells me “he knows”, but when you can’t tell someone anymore it starts to play with your head. What if you don’t know? You’re my baby boy, I was supposed to protect you and keep you safe, and I couldn’t do it. Did you wonder where the heck I was as everything happened? Did you think I abandoned you?

I’m just not in a good place and want you to magically make it better, but you can’t.

I’m sorry I’m like this. I love you so much, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.