Baby boy,

Hi, sweetie. Abuela and Grandpop came to visit this weekend. I remember how you guys would sit and wait at the windows when they came to visit in Missouri and Virginia.

I got a call from both Ellie’s and Lucas’ school counselors today. Ellie’s anxiety is starting to peak again at school. She’s asking to call or text me all the time in order to check on me. I’m not sure what happened over Christmas break that triggered her anxiety to come back stronger, but it came back stronger and hasn’t subsided.

I completely understand where Ellie is coming from. She always says, “you said Isaiah was healthy and look what happened” or “you said everything would be okay, but it wasn’t”. I watch how I word things now, because I get it. I always said everyone would be fine and you guys didn’t need to worry as much about things as you did. I preached that thought a lot and then the unthinkable happens out of nowhere.

It’s a fine line with Ellie. On one hand, I don’t want to make her anxiety worse and say she shouldn’t contact me from school, but I also don’t want to create this habit where she needs to talk each time at school just to calm done. We need to find ways to cope. It would be okay if she would just send a quick message that asks if I’m “okay”, but it’s always about ten messages. In those messages, five messages say “I love you”, four messages ask “are you okay?” and the last one is a random emoji. It’s usually the kissy face smiley face. Even when I tell her we are okay, she needs reassured three or four more times.

I’m really sorry, baby, but I am so tired. I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.