Baby boy,

We watched the finale of Lego Masters this morning. Listening to Elijah talk about how nervous he was during it reminded me so much of you watching it. He even got a little teary eyed at the end, just like you. However, the team that he wanted to win won the show. I’m not sure how it would have played out if that team didn’t win. I spent a lot of time during the show racking my brain about who I thought you would want to win the competition. I thought it might have been the brothers, but maybe I was wrong.

We had The Caring Place tonight. We got there a half hour earlier than expected, so I took your siblings on a little walk across the bridge to see PNC Park. We then walked down by the river and I saw that we were close to the water steps, which I have never been to, so we had to go. It was extremely hot and Ellie let me know about a hundred times how it was too hot, if she got a headache it was because of me, and spent time reminding me how I’m worried about them staying hydrated and heat stroke, yet here I am having them walk outside in the heat. There really was a lot of dramatics coming from her, but that’s what Ellie gives me nowadays.

Despite growing up in Pittsburgh, I have never walked down by the river and the water steps have been somewhere I’ve wanted to go even when we weren’t living in Pittsburgh. It was one of those places I thought maybe we could visit if we ever were in Pittsburgh in the summer.

Your brothers loved it and I think Ellie enjoyed it, too. I told them next time we can purposely leave earlier so they can spend a little more time playing in the water.

At the Caring Place, Elijah’s group had a paper campfire that they sat around and talked about their feelings. He also brought his Isaiah book that I made him to show his group today. When he was showing one of the volunteers before the session started, he turned to the page of you guys playing Rudy and told him that was his favorite picture. He then went on to tell him how you guys invented that game and how it was played.

Today was better in a sense that I wasn’t as angry at the world, but it included a lot of anxiety about things I had no control over. This grief is just a constant roller coaster. I love you more than anything, my sweet boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.