My baby,

The most important thing you need to know today is that you were in my dream last night. You’ve only been in three of my dreams since everything has happened? In the other two you talked to me and it was a big deal that you were there, even in the dream.

Last night, though, was the first night I had dream where you were just there with your siblings and part of the family. You were sleeping in my bed, but I don’t remember anything else. I just woke up feeling lighter that I finally had a dream, you were in it, and you hadn’t “left us” at any point in the dream. Instead, you were just part of the story. I did not think I’d have a dream like that ever again since losing you. I’m so thankful that I see that I haven’t lost that ability.

I told my therapist today about how I wasn’t doing well, but couldn’t even put words to how I was feeling or why. I told her about my call to Miss Whitney and my therapist said something surprising. She told me that the first year after a loss you’re just surviving, but the second year the loss really sets in, and you realize that this is your new reality. She told me because of this, that’s most likely why I feel “worse” than before.

I had always said how I couldn’t possibly imagine things getting any worse or feeling any worse, but now that she pointed it out, I get it. I still can’t describe it, but I get it.

I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.