Hi baby,

I’m currently sitting up in your spot on Kolekole. It’s a little cloudy, but still beautiful as always. I checked to see if the ti leaf lei I left for you was still here, but I can’t find it. I had hung it on a branch. My guess is when all the crazy rain happened that it just couldn’t hold on anymore. Don’t worry, I’m bringing Elijah up here tomorrow so we will leave another one for you.

I found a video of us today when we climbed up the one side of Kolekole. We were collecting strawberry guava and just seeing how high we could get up. In it, I’m singing some “strawberry guava song” that we made up, but Ellie was completely annoyed by it. Maybe that’s why you went along with the song, because it was an easy way to make your sister mad, but maybe you just enjoyed it.

I did my grief meditation up here and it was so calming. I had to stop myself from thinking how I only have a month left to soak up these opportunities. Today’s session was the relationship between grief and love. How the grief we feel is because of the immense love we had for someone. Isaiah, I loved you more than anything in the world. If given the choice, I would choose this grief again and again as long as it meant I got to love you while you were here with me.

It’s nighttime now and I’m going to finish this up. Lucas had a breakdown tonight. He randomly cries when he’s overtired, but it happened earlier tonight. I was actually relieved that he opened up a little bit. We laid in my bed and I cuddled him why he cried. He said he doesn’t like to talk or think about you because it makes him cry. He cried a lot tonight, though. He worries that you didn’t know that he loved you because he doesn’t like to kiss anyone. He said the first time he kissed you was during your honor walk at the hospital. I told him that you absolutely knew how much he loved you and you loved him just as much back. After about fifteen or twenty minutes, he got up and went into your room. Lucas then went on to make an “I” out of Legos for you. I feel like that was a step forward for him. Tonight was a “win”.

Lucas kept asking why this had to happen to you. I didn’t have an answer. I told him I wish I knew, but it did.

I love you more than anything, my sweet boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.