Hi handsome,

Today I spent some time in Ellie’s room while she was at school. I was going through her three billion things, organizing, and getting rid of things. While I was in there, I felt that pain in my chest and in my throat that I always feel when I’m missing you now. I can’t even describe the feeling for you to understand, but it happens every time.

I’m just putting off going in your room. It’s not the thought of what I have to go through, it’s the things that aren’t there because you’ve been gone almost eight months. I’m sure I would have Halloween candy to throw away. There would most definitely be wrappers strewn around your room on dressers, shelves, and the floor. There’d be a lot more Legos to figure out how to pack because you would have gotten a lot of sets for both your birthday and Christmas that you missed. I’m sure there’d be added drawings from Art for Kids Hub and school. Let’s be honest, I would find so many random socks and your clothes in every single corner. So it’s not packing up the memories, but packing up the memories I have while knowing I won’t get any more.

We have twenty-nine more days in this house and eleven more days with our household goods. Once the household goods get picked up, the only thing that really needs to be done is to clean the house so it’s cleaner than it was when we moved in. We will probably spend a lot of time outside and just maybe your siblings will let me cart them around to different places.

Like I had hoped, we have another chance to go to Surf for the Soul. I pretty much begged your siblings to go. I got Ellie to say yes by telling her there’d be famous surfers there, because she always talks about meeting celebrities. I got the boys to agree by telling them there’d be hamburgers for lunch. I told them they do not have to go in the ocean at all, but they’ll have the opportunity if they want to. I told Ellie I’d gladly go in her place, but I’m not allowed. She just rolled her eyes at me, typical.

I have a few different ideas for your room in the new house. I think I’m going to put your Minecraft comforter on the nugget in there, your legos will be in there, I’m going to frame and hang a few of your drawings, and I’m going to put a net up in the corner to have all your stuffed animals displayed. I don’t know if it’ll hurt doing all that, but it’s something I want. I want you with me for the rest of my life.

I’m going to get the boys to bed, baby. Ellie keeps bothering me that they need to go to bed so she can watch television in my room. The second the clock hits 8pm she’s on top of me asking when they’re going to bed.

I love you more than chocolate, sweetie. Loving someone that much can’t even be put into words. Goodnight and sweet dreams.