Isaiah Joseph,

You’re probably laughing at us. We had eight bins and three suitcases to check-in and we had some issues with the military orders. Then we had to go to a different line because I was carrying your ashes and apparently I was supposed to be in a special line nobody told me about. We ran and ran, but when we got to the gate they just gave our seats away to people on standby. They tried to put us on the next flight, but they couldn’t. So now we don’t fly out till Monday night. All our bags left and will arrive there tomorrow.

Everything happens for a reason, right? Well I don’t think everything happens for a reason, because there was nothing gained from losing you. Today was crazy, though. I didn’t get out of the house and spent the whole time trying to pack everything and get everyone ready. The last glimpses that I saw of Hawaii were driving from our house to the airport. I saw the ocean off in the distance and paid special attention to the view from H1 near Millilani. I was upset that I didn’t feel like I got to say my proper goodbye.

I’ve now got an extra day and a half on this beautiful island. I’m going to take advantage of it and go to my favorite spot and just stare at the ocean tomorrow. Maybe I will just sit there for hours. Granted I have no clothes, flip flops, or really any belongings, but I will figure it out. Your siblings also get an extra day and a half with daddy.

I will get to (Miss Brenda fixed me saying I have to) give my goodbyes again and not feel as ridiculously rushed. I will get to take in the beauty that is this island and really say goodbye.

Pittsburgh and everyone will be there when we arrive Tuesday morning. Typically I would spiral out of control and spend hours being upset with myself for missing the flight, but there’s nothing I can do so I’m just letting it be. It’s ridiculous times like these that I can tell that all the work I’ve been doing in therapy is actually paying off.

I love you to the moon and back, my baby boy. Thank you for all the gifts you and your siblings have given me in this life that make me who I am. Goodnight and sweet dreams, my baby.