Isaiah Joseph,

Our elves still haven’t arrived. They have to come tomorrow, because I just realized that it’s December 1st and I need to put out the candy by our calendar. I guess I will just bring them back tonight, no big fanfare, since they’ve been around in this house since January.

Today was an okay day, but it seems like as I sit down at night to start to write to you the sadness just hits me like a huge wave. I also realized while I was getting to write this that it’s been exactly a year and a half since I’ve heard your voice or have seen those beautiful eyes looking at me.

The year and a half mark suddenly makes it seem like you’ve been gone for so long. I’m starting to panic to myself that it feels like you’ve been gone longer than you were here. I obviously know that isn’t even close to reality, but you just feel farther away.

As time goes on, this seems like it’ll be the thing that naturally happens. However, I don’t want it to feel that way. I don’t want you to feel so far away in both time and distance. I want it to seem like just yesterday that you were here with me. I want to still be able to hear your voice and feel your hugs like they never went away.

I’m starting to spiral a little, so I think I’m just going to call it a night. We’ve hit yet another milestone in this horrible journey. I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.