My Isaiah Joseph,

I actually read my letter that I wrote to you last year on this day. I haven’t really done that at all because I don’t want to relive any of that when I’m barely making it now. For whatever reason, I read it though, and it was all about how I was just angry. It’s such a coincidence because I’m angry tonight.

I feel drained. We went to the commissary again today, but this time there were no tears. I was able to be there, enjoy the “home” feeling of it, and focus on what I needed to do. I went in with an actual list this time and was also more mentally prepared than the first trip. My therapist had told me that just because situations are hard and make you uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean you avoid them, so I didn’t. I did it, I can do difficult things.

One of the books I read shortly after we lost you talked about how your soul chooses what will happen in your life and what lessons you want to learn. If that were true, I better have learned whatever “lessons” I was supposed to from this life. Each day of this life has become heavy and difficult.

I wish I could hold you in my arms and tell you what an amazing son you are. Please watch over us. I love you more than anything, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.