My baby boy,

I find myself just dreaming about my former life. Our happy and completely intact family seems like it was lifetimes ago. It’s difficult to look at what I have going on now and realizing that this is my current reality. The trajectory that my life took was unexpected. Once the first thing happened, things just seemed to spiral and now I’m living something I don’t even recognize.

It honestly feels like you’ve been gone forever. That really sucks. I wish I could say “it seems like just yesterday that you were a crazy toddler running around” or something along those lines. Instead, I am feeling like I’ve been living without you for my entire life.

My life with four kids on this Earth is just now a picture in my history book. I’m feeling further and further from you as time goes on. I need to find a way to feel closer to you or I’m not going to make it.

I love you more than anything in the world, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.