Hi baby,

Hi baby,

I could use one of your magical things you did for me when I was upset and having a bad day.

While we were walking back home from school today, there was a girl from your class last year. Raquelle? Rachelle? I’m not sure, but maybe she knew I was your mom because she recognized Ellie? She looked at me though and said “I’m sorry your son died. He was in my class last year, he was the new student”. Very blunt, but that’s what kids do. I told her thank you and asked her name. I wanted to see if it was a name that I recognized you saying a lot last year. As we kept walking, I really wanted to just ask her if you were kind to her or if she had any stories. However, I know you were most likely extremely kind to her and I also didn’t want to walk along and ask a random child I don’t know a bunch of questions. I didn’t want to be a weirdo.

I know it sounds crazy, but I’m glad she knows what happened to you. It’s extremely easy in this lifestyle to tell people you moved away like every military kid. I don’t know how she found out, but I can appreciate that she knows the truth.

Ellie’s echo came back and everything is normal. That is a relief, but also frustrating. Something is going on and something happened, but what? I can’t be okay with “we aren’t sure”. I cannot live without an answer from you and knowing maybe the same thing can happen to one of your siblings. Ellie’s had the same lack of awareness seizure you had, I need to know what to do. She still has the stress test and hopefully the MRI, but I don’t know what the possibility is to suddenly find something that hasn’t been seen yet.

Elijah had a rough day today, he was just down. I could tell as soon as I was about to drop him off at Pre-K. He just seemed like he had a lot on his mind so I made sure to tell his teacher to watch him and let me know. At pickup, she said she could tell he was a little off today, but there wasn’t anything crazy. However, while he was walking to me at pick-up he got to me and just started crying. I guess he dropped his pipe cleaner with three beads on it and his teacher said it was dirty and he couldn’t keep it. Luckily, we have a ton of craft stuff at home so he made a new one when we got back.

Maybe you could help me find a new house? I’m having a lot of trouble finding one in the area, that allows dogs, and is in my budget. So if you want to send any good energy my way and some great options, that’d be awesome. I wish I could magically find a house like the one we were originally moving to, it was perfect. There’s just too much going on.

I love you so much, my baby. Please watch over us. Goodnight and sweet dreams.