Hi sweetie,

Hi sweetie,

I didn’t know I was capable of missing someone as much as I miss you. I didn’t think this feeling was humanly possible. It is though, and I feel it every single day. I anticipate that it’ll last for the rest of my life.

We went to Bellows tonight for the trunk or treat. Bellows was by far your favorite place on this island. However, you wouldn’t have been happy because it was low tide and the waves were small. We haven’t been to Bellows since you were with us. I remember leaving the last time, I told you guys not to worry because I would get us back there one more time before we moved. We didn’t get back with you. I’m so sorry.

Bellows was the place where you guys always wiped out. Some of the waves would just be huge and annihilate you. That was also the place where you and Ellie loved playing the game where you guys try to hold on to my legs. Usually, I could wait till a bigger wave is coming, quickly pull my leg out, and run away. You were starting to get a little too strong though and it was harder for me to shake you off. I’m glad I played that with you the last time we went.

When we got there, I walked down just to look at the ocean. I said “hi” to you and “I love you” if you didn’t hear me. I was picturing you crazily running around the way you always did.

It’s Halloween, it’s going to be so much worse during Christmas. Everybody got some boba and we even tried to figure out what flavor you would have probably gotten. I just miss you so much that it physically hurts. I don’t know why life ended up like this. I always naively thought that if you put good out into the world that you would get good back. Life was very good to me for about the past ten years, I am thankful for that. However, the last year and especially five months has been the worst.

I wish I could give you a hug. Life isn’t always fair, but I wouldn’t change a thing if it meant not having you at all. I will live this horrible pain every day for the rest of my life knowing I had almost nine wonderful years of loving you.

This picture was from a year ago today. Life was so different. You guys all looked so grown up. I hope you visit me soon, but I know if you don’t that you’re still with me in my heart. I love you so much, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.