My Isaiah Joseph,

Good news, Elijah had a great first day at his new school. He was definitely nervous when we first got there, but he was all smiles when I picked him up. He said he already made two friends and can’t wait to go back tomorrow. It’s such a relief.

I love just watching how you guys operate and navigate the world sometimes. I just closely watched Elijah as we got into the classroom and took everything in. At one point, he went off on different math equations that he knows and how he figures them out. Please note this is another quality you two share. He said they saw pictures of chicken eggs at school and I asked him if he shared with his class that we had chicken eggs at our house in Hawaii. He replied with, “no, but I told them about Isaiah”. I love how openly they talk about you with strangers. You are with us forever.

I went back and read through the post I made on the day you were declared brain dead and announced to my social media world that we had lost you. I never read through any of the replies, I couldn’t at the time. I got through about half of them today before I had to stop. Going back to that time is so overwhelming and too much to handle. I’m making it day by day now, so I don’t know why I even need to take my mind back to the beginning.

Miss Whitney is in Tennessee right now, where you lived the first two years of your life. She send me a picture of Bella and Blake at a park and I knew exactly which one it was. It was the “balance beam” park that was over near the PX and commissary. I know you would never remember it, but we spent so much time at those parks at Fort Campbell. We went to the park once while daddy was away at OCS and you guys wanted nothing to do with the park. Instead, we ran around an open field for over an hour and climbed up and down some stairs that were at some stage thing. Judging by Miss Whitney’s picture, there’s a Texas Roadhouse there now instead of the open field. I have a picture from that day of you running around, looking at the camera, you have on a black Nike track suit, and you’re holding a hot wheels car. I love that picture. You look so happy and knowing you were just running around the grass the whole time makes it even better.

I told a lady about you at the park yesterday when we were talking. She made a comment about your siblings, said she understood because she had four kids, and I told her I did, too. She quickly did the math and asked if the fourth was the youngest. I came right out and told her. I feel so odd saying it, though, to complete strangers. I also want to apologize for telling them, but why do I need to apologize for talking about you? The one time I told the person not to worry and they didn’t need to figure out what to say and that seemed to go over well. I feel like most people cannot even let their mind venture towards losing a child, so what would they say? There’s nothing to say, I don’t need them to say anything, I get relief just by speaking your name.

I love you more than anything, my sweet boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.