My baby boy,

I forgot how beautiful it is when it snows. It’s no Mokuleia, but it’s still something to look around and appreciate. Elijah even made a comment about how beautiful it was outside when we were driving home from dropping Lucas off at school.

For whatever reason, my letters that I wrote to you last year haven’t been showing up the last few days in my “memories”. Sometimes I just want to go back and see where I was at in this journey last year and just relive any of the memories that I reminisced about. I still need to transfer them and am still way behind on all the things with your site. I met with one woman for about an hour and that’s about it. I don’t want to lose these letters.

I don’t know if your siblings will read any of them when they get older. I kind of hope they do so maybe they can further process things, but I want them to remember all the things I’ve talked about with you. I don’t want things like “the drowning game” and that odd game where you put the little battery operated bugs on the top of the fridge and tried to get them to fall off into the dog food to be forgotten. I want them to have all these memories they can go back to. Maybe one day they can share parts of them with their kids so they can learn about their Uncle Isaiah.

I wonder if things in my life have been sent to me by you. Did you manage to set things up to make them happen? Were you watching over me and trying to figure out the best way to help support me? I’d like to think that some things that have come to fruition with the help of you. You were always a mama’s boy who stood by me no matter what.

Christmas seems to be coming fast and I’m not really into the “season”. We have an event this weekend with the group for bereaved siblings. I think it’s cookie and gingerbread house decorating, followed by ice skating if you’re interested. None of you guys have ever been ice skating, so I don’t know if we will attempt it. I’m not the best teacher, since I don’t know how to properly stop and just run into the wall. It’s also been probably twenty years since I went ice skating. If your siblings want to, I will probably let them attempt and then watch the mess that follows.

I love you more than anything in the world, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.