My baby boy,

We didn’t get power back until 2:30pm today. It’s actually kind of funny how similar it feels to Hawaii. We weren’t even phased by not having power. Luckily, we weren’t able to go over to Gma and Pap’s to eat, charge our devices, and had a place to put all the things from our fridge and freezer. We never had that luxury in Hawaii.

Schools all around were cancelled today because of the power outages. There’s actually a two hour delay tomorrow, but we will see if it actually gets cancelled.

I had therapy today and I got onto the subject that I’m dreading May. I talked to my therapist about what I wanted to do on the 31st. Do I want to do special things that you love? As always, the option to build legos and eat pizza is always there. I don’t know how I’m going to feel when that day comes. For your birthday last year, I was adamant how much I wanted to have a cake and sing Happy Birthday to you. I’m glad we did it, but it was incredibly difficult and I regretted my idea as soon as we got ready to light the candles.

I’m also dreading it because your loss was not a single day. On May 31st, we lost you as the amazing boy that you were. On June 4th, we watched you lose the last reflexes you had. On June 5th, you were officially declared brain dead. Because we were donating your organs, the protocol was that they had to do the brain death test again twenty-four hours later. Your death was officially declared on June 6th. Then on June 7th, we had to say “goodbye” to you and let you go save other people. As you can see, this nightmare was an entire week.

I’m not ready to face the reality, even though I’ve been doing every single day since May 31st.

I was reading past posts I made and the ones about the end of the Month of the Military Child. In the posts, I always added the quote that talked about military kids having to say “goodbye” to more significant people in their lives by 18 than most people have in a lifetime. I didn’t know at the time that my military kids were going to have to say “goodbye” to their brother forever. Things in life aren’t always fair.

I love you so much, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.