My baby boy,

I answered this question on this app back when you were only 18 months old.


What is your dream for Isaiah?
My only dreams for Isaiah are that he is happy and a good person. He is free to do whatever he wants in life as long as it make am happy. I would never want something for him that he doesn't want himself. I am sure there will be disagreements along the way, but hopefully they can be quickly worked through without any conflict.

I still stand by this entry and this is all I want for you and your siblings.

I would like to think that you got to live your eight short years this way. Granted I didn’t always say “yes” to things like racing cars down the street on a skateboard, but you got to do a lot and make a lot of your decisions.

You’re an amazing boy and I can only pray that you’ll be waiting there for me when my time comes. You can show me everything I missed while you and I were apart.

The Sudden and Unexpected Death of a Child group emails me every month checking in. I haven’t spoken with them since we got your autopsy back. They asked me earlier if I wanted to have them talk to the medical examiner and explain their findings or lack there of. I wasn’t ready to reply back then. I wanted to know, but I just didn’t want to face it. I’m thinking that I will ask them to look into it for me. I don’t want to be on the call and hear whatever the medical examiner has to say, I’d rather hear it from a second party. For whatever reason, it seems like it’ll sting a little less that way.

I’m going to try and get some sleep, baby. I love you more than anything in the world, sweetie. Goodnight and sweet dreams.