My baby boy,

Hi, handsome. We drove to Baltimore to get the van today. In a surprising turn of events, daddy is still in Maryland with the van. They broke something on it in transit, they said there’s no way to prove the bolts were there before the van shipped, so the rest of it’s on us. I can’t say it surprises me at all, it’s usually how it always works.

On the way home, it took us back the same way we drove to Pittsburgh from Virginia when we lived there. I drove right past the rest stop I had to pull over that morning you were having that incident. We now know it was a seizure, but I go back to that day a lot. I saw that parking lot and wished that I could have just went back to that day. I feel like that was our one real chance to save you, but we didn’t know what we were facing. I questioned the doctors, showed them all the video of you screaming in the car, I even sent the video to so many of my friends in the healthcare realm. Maybe I should have taken the extra step and posted it to a mom Facebook group? I wonder if one of them would have suggested it was a possible seizure if we would have pushed forward with finding out if that was the diagnosis. People talk smack, but I swear mom groups have some of the best answers.

I’m exhausted and I wish I would have had all this information I’ve gained within the last three years involving seizures. I’m sorry that I wasn’t informed enough to know what was going on with that seizure. However, not even the doctors seemed to be informed enough to know it was a seizure and not a night terror. I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.