My baby boy,

I wish I could have given you guys a carefree childhood. I’m aware that those really don’t exist, but the childhood for you and your siblings seems to be much more of a struggle than any issues I ever had.

In the last few months of your life, I worry that our home wasn’t always a peaceful place for you. Sometimes it was stressful and you guys didn’t deserve any of that. You shouldn’t have had to see me crying all the time while locked away in a bathroom. I’m sorry.

Now your siblings have lost their brother and they live over four thousand miles away from their dad. Ellie has taken it upon herself to feel like she needs to take care of me. She told someone before that I’m the only one left here to take care of them, so nothing can happen to me.

Ellie is currently at Abuela and Grandpop’s for the week. She gets a break from her brothers, will get a small look at what it would be like to have sisters while she’s with her cousins, and will get to spend some quality time with the family.

Last night she started questioning going because she “felt bad for leaving me”. She’s constantly worried that something is going to happen to me and it’s her job to keep me safe. She also said she felt bad for leaving me with the boys and not having her there to help me clean. I’ve told her a million times it’s not her job to worry about me, I will take care of her.

On a different note, I definitely heard footsteps outside my room tonight. Chase heard them too, because his head went up and he was looking towards my door. Maybe that was you? I don’t know, but I will be smudging this house tomorrow.

Watch over your sister so she can enjoy herself this next week and be an eleven year old kid. I love you so much, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.