My handsome boy,

There’s a picture of you that is up on my tv right now of you, Ellie, and. Baby Elijah. You’re doing your “kissy lips” and I love that I have a few pictures of it. That’s exactly how you’d kiss us goodnight whenever you went to bed.

I have some good news I’ve been meaning to tell you about Ellie. I know I’ve mentioned to you how worried I am about how she’s dealing with losing you. The most she says at home about you is how she misses you. There’s been a few times when I can get her to go a little deeper, but she tries to keep most of it to herself.

I had a meeting with her teacher last week and learned that Ellie talks about you all the time at school. She just randomly mentions how you loved to read, how smart you were, things that you loved, memories she has, and holds nothing back. Hearing that was a huge relief. I don’t need Ellie talk to me about you if she doesn’t want to, as long as she has an outlet.

The day after I met with her teacher, her counselor that she’s been seeing at school called me to check-in. Her counselor was just as surprised as her teacher to hear she doesn’t talk about you as much at home. Mrs. Heidi said that you’ve even opened up more as the time has gone on and that she had good coping mechanisms. Her counselor said she might not want to talk about you as much at home because we get upset. We aren’t upset about talking about you, just upset because we aren’t missing you. She also said it might be because daddy and I are grieving in two completely different ways. I don’t care how she’s doing it, I was just so relieved that she has an outlet.

We are down to twenty more days on the island, but our movers come this Thursday and Friday. I’ve packed a lot, but have also created a huge mess and a lot of chaos. I hope to have those problems addressed within the next few days.

When we got back from the birthday party today, daddy looked at me and was like “do you see him?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but my mind immediately went to thinking your ghost or spirit was there. I was looking around and daddy said, “you seriously don’t see him?”. It was then that I realized Elijah was hiding under the one table. I legitimately thought daddy was telling me you were in the house. Do you think that’s weird? I do, but I also don’t even question it.

I love you more than anything, sweetheart. Goodnight and sweet dreams.