Hi handsome,
Hi handsome,
I finished your siblings’ books today and actually ordered them. Along with pictures of you and them, I also included some of your artwork and poetry. Obviously I could have put a lot more in, but I needed them ordered and frankly they’re a little pricey. Add in that extra shipping cost and two extra weeks to get to Hawaii..they should be here by December 5th. They really need these. Each one has pictures of all of you guys, but also each kid has pictures of just you and them. I managed to find a space themed one for Lucas, Ellie’s has some boho designs, and Elijah’s is a superhero one. I wasn’t as excited about Elijah’s theme, but I added a lot of “stickers” to it of things you loved. I added some pizza, a hamburger, some legos, and a soccer ball. I even put a dinosaur next to the picture of you guys playing Rudy. I originally wanted to wait for Christmas Eve, but I think I’m going to wrap them and give it to them as soon as they come.
They also want the “daddy doll”, but with your on it. However, the people that make those moved in May and have yet to open up again. I’m spoiled because we have four from that company and Ellie’s is over nine years old and still looks great.
I was supposed to have therapy today and was looking forward to it, but it got cancelled an hour before my appointment. I’m supposed to have one Saturday morning, but right now we already have two different things going on. There’s Surf for the Soul and then the Legacy of Life event. There will be other chances to do Surf for the Soul, but this one is in Haleiwa. I like things that are nice and close. However, I want to meet with the other donor families. It would also be an easy way for me to drop off the cards for both recipients. I would like to meet the one family that wrote us. They said they’d hoped we could meet. I just don’t know how it’ll feel to see someone knowing part of you is in their body. Something that helped keep your body alive and functioning is now doing it for someone else.
Baby boy, I don’t know what triggered the downward spiral I’m in, but do I really need a reason? Losing you in general is reason enough. I think now it’s because I’m piling the holidays on top of it along with trying to navigate how to best help Ellie, Lucas, and Elijah. Maybe you could visit one of them in their dreams tonight? All three of them could use it, plus I love hearing them tell me their dreams about you.
I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.