My sweet boy,

I know I said I was going to Mokuleia today, but my plans changed. I realized that since this is my last weekend here, it was my final day to go to Bellows. Being that Bellows was both your’s and Ellie’s favorite beach, it needed to be visited.

I took in all the beauty that the drive there had to offer. Right before that lo my tunnel is absolutely breathtaking. You would think that maybe after two and a half years I wouldn’t be as amazed by it, but I am. I wonder if people grew up here feel the same way, regardless of how many years they’ve lived on the island. I don’t see how the views and the beauty would ever get old.

It was raining and gloomy at home before I left and on the majority of the drive to Bellows. Once I arrived, the sun was shining bright and it was beautiful. I saw “snail island”/“boot island” and made sure I took a picture. I walked the whole length of the beach and then just sat down and stared out into the turquoise ocean. The waves weren’t very big today, so you would have been disappointed. You loved the huge waves.

I know I asked for a sign, I’m not sure if I got it. It was getting too hot just sitting out on the sand because there’s absolutely no shade there. I got up and decided to stand at the edge of the water to cool off a little. I was looking around, taking everything in, and then I noticed a little boy to the left of me. He was probably around six years old, had a lot of hair like you did, and was wearing a blue life vest like the one you would complain about to much. The thing that stood out the most though, was he was acting exactly how you always did in the ocean. He was jumping around, not a care in the world, and being absolutely reckless. He was running straight into the ocean until he crashed and fell, was rolling around at one point, and in every way resembled you.

I just watched him and cried. He was far enough away that he definitely looked like you with my horrible eye sight. I just wanted to pretend it was you and go over and give him a huge hug. After watching him for a while, I decided it was time for me to go. I got my hibiscus flower that I brought for you, said my message to you, threw the flower in the water, and left.

I asked your siblings if they wanted to come with me, but nobody wanted to. Ellie said it would bring back too many memories and Lucas was afraid that if we went, we would lose someone else like we lost you. I wasn’t going to push them to go, so it was just me. I didn’t mind it though, I like sitting in the silence and just listening to the waves.

I love you so much, sweetie. Today was emotionally draining, but I’m glad I went. I needed to say goodbye to the place that gave us so many great memories. I love you. Goodnight and sweet dreams.