My Isaiah Joseph,
Overall, today was a better day. I got to go over Beenie’s house today, talk, and spend some time with her adorable puppy. I feel like puppies just automatically help your mood.
I braved the car wash again and since we were right next to Sarris, I obviously had to take your siblings. I bought four packages of pretzel sticks for the Valentine’s Day bags and your siblings were very concerned who was getting the pretzel sticks. As we were paying for them, they were asking me if I was planning on eating them all myself. I sarcastically said, “yes, they’re all for me and I’m not sharing at all” and then told them it was for the Valentine’s Day bags.
The lady checking us out made a comment about how maybe they were so confused because I was buying four pretzel sticks and there were three of them. I told her how we lost you, but you still get different things for the holidays. She smiled and asked what we did with the items you got. I told her how we give them away, how we gave your Christmas stuff away at the mall, and your Easter basket stuff away at the park last year.
We talked all about you, I showed her your picture, and I told her about you riding your bike back to get scissors to help the girl out. She apologized for asking so many questions, but I told her I have no problem talking about you and I actually love telling strangers about you. She thanked us for sharing you with her and gave us an extra pretzel stick to give away.
During therapy tonight, we were talking about certain parenting choices and I told her how I always let you paint your nails when you wanted to. It wasn’t a thing and it made you happy, so that’s what happened. My therapist wanted to stop mid conversation to point out how that’s something I can look back on now and acknowledge that I let you do it and give myself some credit as a mom. She told me that if I didn’t let you for whatever reason, I’d be looking back now and wishing I would have just let you paint your nails. I liked when she said that, because I have focused on things that I should have let you do more and haven’t really thought about all the things I did let you do.
Overall, I feel like I can take a deeper breath today and it seems like all the “extra” going on in my head has quieted down a little. I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.