My baby boy,

I don’t have much to say tonight because there’s a lot going on. However, we went to Gabriel’s third birthday party today. He’s just like you were at that age and loves the movie Cars and firetrucks.

While we were there, we got to hold Rosalie. She was playing with my necklace at one point and I was telling her about you. I was just picturing how gentle you would have been with her and how adorable you would have thought she was.

We got Gabriel an axolotl blanket that he could climb inside. It wasn’t what I originally wanted, but it’s what we ended up doing. I wanted to give him one of your two fleece Cars blankets that I have folded up in my bedroom closet. You loved Aunt Sarah and I know you’d want them to have your blanket. I just thought about how she’s the one that gave you the little puppy you loved so much when you had to get the endoscopy in Tennessee. That dog brought you so much joy and happiness and he’s sitting on my nightstand as we speak. Gabriel deserves your blanket, that family deserves your blanket. I just have to go through it all with my therapist beforehand because I’m terrified to let go of things, remember your bag of trash?

I love you more than anything in the world, my sweet boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.