My sweet boy,

It’s only 7pm, but I need to write your letter now because I don’t know how much time I have left on my battery. We have officially hit twenty-four hours without power and I’m not sure when it’s coming back.

It brings back fond memories of Hawaii, but not nearly as pleasant as when we lost it there. The house is currently really cold and we can’t just get out of the house and go outside like we could in Hawaii. This house seems like it’s lost power just as much as we did in Hawaii, though, which tells you a lot about our current location.

I posted that picture of you last night in your Revolution shirt and it’s mind boggling. In that picture, you seem “old”. It was a few years before we lost you, but since you were the oldest boy I guess that’s just how my mind viewed you. Elijah has been wearing that same Revolution shirt for a while now and actually wore it to school yesterday. How do I look at that picture and see you as being “older”, then hold up that shirt and see that the actual size of it is pretty small?

I went through your brothers’ closet today and made them try on most of their shirts so I could see what needed to stay and what needed to go. There were a few shirts that I needed to take out because they didn’t fit Elijah anymore and some went to donate and others will go into my box of memories I can’t let go of.

I put the gray PJ masks shirt in there that we bought when we went to the Target in Springfield, Missouri one of the trips we went up. You and Ellie were obsessed with the show at that time and you both wanted matching shirts. They didn’t have your sizes so we got you both a 5T, which were huge on you guys back then. There’s that gray shirt with the green alien peeking out from behind the moon that you would wear to bed. It was a regular shirt, but for whatever reason it was a pajama shirt for you. The moon did glow in the dark, so it did make for a great shirt at night.

The other two shirts I am moving to the sentimental bin are just two long sleeved shirts. One of them is from the thrift shop on post in Missouri and has a bunch of “yearbook pictures” of dinosaurs on it. I can just remember seeing you wear that, that’s why it’s getting saved. Then there’s the long sleeved Pikachu shirt that I got you when you needed more winter clothes. I think I got it at Kohls when we got to Virginia, but it’s just the memory of getting it for you that’s making me keep it.

I wish I knew why I have to do this life without you. I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.